Bipolar Ave.

It feels like forever since I last visited my LJ. I'm not sure why I came back, though. Some unknown force brought me to my LJ page and caught me by surprise, and i'm guessing that it's my consciousness' way of saying that it's time for me to get back to writing decent stuff. All I ever wrote for the past few months were things that made little sense and contained no particular wisdom of much significance. And that scares me. I never want to lose touch of that part of me that actually makes sense. =p

I've been reading my old entries and now, I'm feeling intense envy. I envy my old self. She made so much sense and she beautifully put her feelings into words. I'm not sure if I can still craft such beautiful entries or if I can still tie words together with a classy red ribbon. I figure that it's because the system has basked me in a world that puts emphasis on patronizing the native tongue. Not that it's a bad thing. I even agree with it and understand why it's important. It's just that, I've loved the English language ever since. I love writing in English and without a doubt, I can say that I am EXTREMELY passionate about it. It's hard to lose touch of something that you're really passionate about, let alone fail to practice or hone a skill that you're exceptionally proud of. Now I'm finding it very hard to express what I feel. I'm having difficulty with putting my rattling emotions down in words. I usually find myself frustrated that I can't pat my feelings down in black and white as fluidly as they flow inside my mind, especially when they're begging to be set free.

Because of this, I've decided to be Livejournal active again. =) I'll be updating every once in a while and I'll be making sure that my entries would either serve to set my emotions free or would be a way for me to practice and hone my writing skills (which I've seriously lost touch of). =p

Since I'm pretty much sure that no one would think of visiting, this would sorta be a personal journal. Sorta. =p
Yay! Haha. :)

Toodles =)

 

... FLIRT KA, MEHN.

Haha. Tawa na lang talaga 'ko. :p

At in fairness, natawa talaga ko ah. 
IN FAIRNESS. Haha. :p

Tama si sister.
Minsan kelangan talagang maging...
Bitter..
Numb..
At souless piece of crap..
Para maging masaya na lang sa mga crap ng buhay. :p

Oh well. :p

I don't wanna wake up without you again.
I don't wanna wake up feeling so close to the end.

She's hopeless.

1. Don't think that wisdom is simply having something to say. Wisdom is sensitivity to feelings. Wisdom is selflessness. Wisdom is thinking... Thinking HARD before jumping in. Wisdom is awareness of propriety. Wisdom is SILENCE borne by scrutiny and humility. Moreover, wisdom is sure knowledge with zero-judgment, unbiased and unopinionated. 

2. As much as I hate to admit, my trust in you is much MUCH lower than the Becquerel Four "Lower" I can contort my face into. And trust isn't freely given back. You have to earn it. So goes with RESPECT.

3. Selfish philosophies, when established and put into act often lead to, a) broken relationships b) hurt feelings c) bitterness d) low trust.. or even NONE e) deterioration of respect f) suppression of freedom to act, lead life and think for oneself g) Serious DAMAGE. Now, take your pick. Wait. Do you still have to pick?

4. Logical Reasoning:
Freedom is a right. 
Freedom to live without suppression is a right. 
If the first two statements were true, then freedom from supression of freedom is a right. 
...Right? 

5. Too much of everything is harmful. For instance.. 1) Too much trust is harmful, because once it's broken, it gets SO hard to earn back, plus it HURTS once it's shattered. 2) Too much understanding is harmful, because too much understanding can blind you of the truth, which might be hard to bear once it's finally been aware of. 3) Too much denial of the painful truth in hopes of a better end would lead to a bitter end instead.

6. It was a happy morning. Until.. bO.Om.

7. Now it's true, you're all I've got. And I'm thankful for you.

8. I miss you. Plain and simple.

9. Talk about Alicia Keys stunting her vocal cords, singing No One. Uh-huh, heard that right.

10. Ano.. Angal??? 

I give up. I simply give up. And damn right, I'm loving it. =)

For months and months, I had to lay tormented after coming to think of ANYTHING that had any relevance to it - that undying issue that I insist was worth the worry, yet for the people I got to talk to, was the most stupid thing that I, of all people, had to worry about. Turns out, the things people tried to drill to my head had been oblivious to me for the most stupid reasons I had insisted rational, in my ever masochistic and pessimistic point of view. It tormented me to the extent that though I wryly had NOTHING to do at home at all, and though I had every drop of a craving to do so, I had refused to touch even a single peripheral of a computer for fear that I might have to deal with the worries it had to offer me. It sucked BIG TIME, and IT KILLED ME body part by body part. 

A drug. 

A venom. 

Seeping through my bloodstream.

Traveling through every bit of me.


"... To the point of permanent death." - Ada. 

(Grins. :D I wonder what that was for and whom it was for, right doOd? >:] )

It was a relief that my computer actually broke down for a few days and I survived having to deal with a guilty conscience from restraining myself from using the computer. I finally had a good enough excuse not to turn it on beacuse it simply won't. :p Now that my computer's fixed and after scanning through the things I used to resent browsing through the most, I realized that it's best that I give up to what it is that I had worried about. Not because I've lost all hopes and have given up on what I believe in. No, no, no. Not at all. But it's more of like giving up on an issue because it's just plainly POINTLESS to be of a fight and a struggle in the first place. For one, I'm all hands down that I could never live my life in that manner. It's not me. It's not what I live for and it's not what I'm supposed to do. I'm on a tangential road, that though far off, trails along a yellow brick road and leads to a place equally breath-taking or better yet, much much MORE breath-taking. :)

Every single person doesn't have to choose and tackle a certain option that of the norm, is ideal. For every majority, there is a minority. And no matter how less as compared to the majority, and how few the minority counts, what matters is that that certain idea or side is appreciated and considered. The mere fact that an idea is appreciated in one way or another, is an enough reason to be proud of it. So goes with lifestyle and how one's life is led. As long as it's justifiable, harmless and practically something everyone could live with and most could be proud of, what the majority thinks is useless. Pa-epal lang sa magandang buhay. ;P

Cutting the long story short, I've learned that at some point of a fight, in my case an internal fight, if seen fit one has to have the ability to discern when to swallow pride, give up and accept the facts. Give up in a sense that if it is worth putting a cease to, if it is a pointless, absurd and ho hum child of paranoia, and if doing so would establish eternal peace to one's self and to other people involved. (shucks, parang mamamatay lang eh.xp) Giving up not for the sake of hopelessness or inferiority, but for acceptance that it could never be and that something WAY better is waiting on the other side. 

Cutting the drama short, (may ganun? hehe..) matutong bumigay KUNG walang kwenta naman talaga at walang patutunguhan ang pinaglalabanan. Kung nakakasakit sa sarili mo at kung malaking epal na talaga sa buhay mo kahit hindi naman talaga kailangan maging epal yung ganung isipin, ilaglag mo na dahil panira lang yan sa kasiyahan ng mundo. Ang saya saya at halaga ng buhay, hahayaan mo lang masayang oras mo sa kaka alala sa mga bagay na wala naman talagang kwenta. ;) Mahalin ang buhay. Mahalin ang sarili. Tanggapin ang buhay. Tanggapin ang sarili. Bigay ni God 'to at sa bawat buhay, may sarili siyang raket kung paano 'to magiging mahalaga at special.

Parang public reminder lang na pinapalabas sa TV eh noh.. XD Sorry if it sounded a bit harsh, pero as much as I didn't want it to turn out that way, ganun talaga eh..xp

Basta.. At the end of the day, I thank God that no matter how much of a chaos my life turns out, I'm glad that I get to pick debris that are unlikely valuable pieces that would aid to my life - those of which are the lessons I learn from every single turmoil I go through. And even though my life runs uneventually lonely and enigmatic, I trust that at the end of the story, it would turn out sweet :), meaningful and unique. :)


.. Nagdrama na naman si Ina. =P  

 

Falling in love is like an all-natural seed planted, made to grow, and cultivated deep within a person's core. Almost like an instinct. Like an understanding that everything DOES exist and comply with a natural system of life. It's something that needs no justification once felt, no medical certifications, no verifying pulse checks whatsoever. It's just so. It's just there. It's what's felt. No need for incessant curious questions and answers.

It's a tornado of every single feeling that could surpass your being for the entirety of your life; Euphoria, melancholy, jealousy, greed, insecurity, indifference, pride, anger, gratitude, hatred, passion, even wry ennui. However, as any tornado does, the chaos eventually comes to an end. Serenity, silence and freedom from turbulence transpires right after. And no matter how barren and desolate it could appear at first, Mrs. Rain and Mr. Sun would gradually make it fertile again. Just as true love and the grace of God would a couple too. 

It's a feeling of completeness. Of security. Of assurance that someone would hear your screams of panic, rush to you, take your hand and pull you from which ever abyss or wreckage you've stupidly fallen into. And not only that, but the ULTIMATE thrill and ecstatic feeling after realizing that your hands are still clasped tightly even after you're completely saved.. ;D It's feeling delighted and SUPER DUPER kilig after being tickled by a teasy whisper saying that your hand would forever be held.. And that you'll never fall stupidly into ANY abyss or wreckage anymore, as long as they're clasped together. Not ever again. ;) At may bonus hug at kiss pa. Haha.. XD

It's waking up to each single day to the awareness of newfound imperfection in the one you love, yet with oblivion, raising your head to smile at the heavens and thanking God he IS human with his humane imperfections. (Haha.. ;] ) And he IS imperfect like you. It's the beauty of knowing you'll do your best to understand and willingly surpass his every imperfection jotted down on that list.. It's the fulfillment of raising a huge plaque card that announces and establishes your philosophy that his imperfections do not matter, and you'll continue to love him all the same.

It's the gratefulness and gratitude that you were given someone to face and go through each passing day with. It's basically the thrill of being simply cared for and LOVED. 

And I love falling in love. :) I love having fallen in love. Haha.  Kahit hindi pa ako sigurado kung siya na talaga o ito na talaga o kung panahon ko na 'to, thankful ako dahil kahit papaano, binibigyan ako ng chance ni God para subukan, paganahin at ipatupad nga yun kung nanaisin ko. At gusto ko. Ninanais ko. (Hahaha.. Lalim, pare. XD) And as long as I can, to the sagradong best of my abilities, I'll keep this. I'll keep loving 'em, and would never stop.. Maybe I would, if the moment comes when I could touch my forehead with my tounge. Haha.. Which obviously would never happen. ;D But just in case I do.. Haha.. And just to be safe.. Hangga't pwede.. I'd continue to stand by my word that I'll love him non-stop. ;)

Yabshuu, mooo.. SOBRA. Diba nga, sobra sa sobra, grabe sa grabe at malala pa sa malala. >('',)< .. Intayin mo ko, ah? :)

*Wooh.. Mushy gushy blogspot moment na naman iteeetch. :))*

When I see your smile
tears roll down my face
I can't replace.

And now that I'm strong I have figured out
how this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul,
and I know I'll find deep inside me, I can be the one.

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all,
even if saving you sends me to heaven.

It's okay
It's okay
It's okay.

Seasons are changing and waves are crashing
and stars are falling all for us
days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one.

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever.
I'll be there for you through it all,
even if saving you sends me to heaven.

Cause you're my
you're my, my
my true love
my whole heart
please don't throw that away.

Cause I'm here, for you
please don't walk away and
please tell me you'll stay, stay..

Use me as you will
pull my strings just for a thrill
and I know I'll be okay
though my skies are turning gray.

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
even if saving you sends me to heaven.

~ Love does not validate maturity, but validates one's existence as a person; for every person, regardless of who he or she is, loves even atleast one thing in the world, may it be an IPhone, a pair of goofy sunglasses, an overly pampered chihuahua, an uberly cool electric eyelash curler, an ice cream flavored lipgloss, a funky underwear, or a drop-jaw hot hubby. :) Therefore, love should not be made "illegal". Nor should it be hindered and called untimely. For whatever age, whatever race, whatever status, no matter how hard one tries, it could never be stopped; for it is as natural and innate as God's care for everyone and everything in the Universe. :)

...Teoryang Kwakwak. Hehe..ü

~ Ang dami pa palang gagawin! Akala ko English LT lang! :'(

~ Cster dear, ooooh the bitterness. :( I'm sorry...

~ October na.. Birthday month na...ü

~ Weee.. Lawyer ako sa English.. Good luck. :P

~ I love my family. (*v*) üÜü (*v*)

~ I love chilling at Market Market, Bonifacio High Street and Serendra. :)

~ I Love Mini Shabu Shabu. Amazing price. :)

~ I Love Sashimi. Homemade or not.

~ I Love cupcakes from Cupcakes. Hehe.. They're so cute and yummy. Not too sweet, just the way I like it. :)

~ I Love David and Goliath. Cool apparel. "Stupid Stuff, Smart Purchase." and "We make stupid stuff so you won't."  Wooo.. Apir, pare.. Un ang cute na angas. Clever. ;D

~ Lush stuff are so cuuuute and fun to use

~ I want a Maltese, a Labrador Retriever, and a Chaochao! *Aso ka na din pala, yatot! Hehe.. Joke lang.. v('',)*

~ Being stranded on a busy Makati Flyover *isipin ang pagka stuck sa daan nang ganun kadami ang dumadaan sa makati.:p*, inside a car that flashes a weird unknown lamp symbol on the dashboard, is so not cool. x_x

~ ... But being towed is another story. :)

~ ... Though the price of towing is SO not cool at all. o.o We could have bought lots of amazing stuff with that unrealistic towing fee. :( 

~ Yes Billie girl, we will go back to where the fountains are. Plus, the beach. Whatever you like. ;)

~ It's fun to plan a bday blowout. :D

~ ... And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times, it's you. It's you. You make me sing, you're every line, you're every word, you're everything.. We'll see it through, and you know that's what our love can do. Wuv, wuv, wuv, wuv, wuv, wuv, wuv.. üÜü *Ngyarr.. Napapakanta talaga akooo! XD* 

~ ... Matamaan ka sa kanta! Haha.. ;) 

~ Psssst.. Tunog post sa Blogspot o.. Kilabot naaaa.. Haha.. XD Nga pala.. Sorry talaga sa pagiging paranoid kahapon ha.. :( And thanks.. "Sa lahat" ulit.. Hehe.. (*v*)ü 

Homework:

+ Done:
El Fili Chapter 16
Digital Electronics Proving
English An Elegy Written in a Church Courtyard Presentation

+ Undone/ Priorities:
CHEMISTRY QUIZ
PHYSICS, STUDY

          > where,

*Chemistry

Hess's law states that if a reaction is carried out in a series of steps, change in H for the reaction will equal the sum of the enthalpy changes for the individual steps.

*Physics

The Doppler Effect for sound waves is the apparent change in frequency of sound heard by a listener due to relative motion of the source or of the listener where if at rest, fL=fS; and in motion, fL=fS(v+-vL/v-+vS).


... Stoolnamanso, Pwedeng Physics lang...? :P

Why? Why does that have to happen? I mean, everything seems to have fallen into place now, and then that has to happen? Ngayon pa? :'( I honestly do not know what to think and what to expect. I mean, it's not like I expect things to go wrong when that takes place, but hey, we never know. Susceptibility's not guaranteed, escepecially in this situation. It's like starting from zero all over again. It's like going through hell the second time, only now, through more fire and less space to walk safely through. It's like skydiving without being sure that my parachute will work. And it's like trying to survive in a jungle with a hundred times more serpents slithering towards me and inveigling me. And the common denominator, the only way to survive is to be strong and have faith. I hope I have enough of both to get past the walk through "hell", that uncertain leap, and the fight for my life in this serpent-infested jungle I'm trapped in.